I solemnly declare week 6 as failed

Due to a lot of work at uni and my illness, week 6 proceeded very differently than I had planned.

I-am-a-failure

I had to meet with my class mates to film stories for Friday, a so-called News Day. Friday was a very important day for the whole department, because the bachelor degree was beeing accredited and we were told circa 1.783.523.470 times to make a good impression.

The impression I made was sitting with half-closed eyes on my chair, hiding in my huge scarf. When Alex, the editor, came over  and asked me to cheer up, I answered with a grunt. I had finished my video at 9 am, stuck a note on my computer and left. I naturally ran across one of our lecturers and the guy who was in charge with the accreditation, when I left the building. They wished me a quick recovering. Nice.

At home I didn’t stick to my meal plan. I didn’t feel like standing in the kitchen to cook elaborate recipes. I defined “elaborate” as something that takes more than 15 minutes. I ended up with soups in cans, apples, yoghurts and biscuits. And chocolate. One day my landlady offered me some of her pizza Hawaii -I accepted with thanks. Today my throat was more swollen than ever and aked for something cool to suck. I bought ice cream. And a beef lasagne. I felt like having some horse, you know.

In terms of exercise..well, there was no exercise. Every step is accompanied by a hammering on my front and my throat feels as narrow as a drinking straw -no way I am doing any sports in this condition.

By the way, my old trousers fit perfectly, I am a size 36 again.

I will never be skinny, I got this curves when I was in puberty and my ballet teacher had the suspicion that my unproportional big ass was the reason why I occasionally fell backwards when I danced on toe shoes. Fortunately I got some boobs later and everything was in balance again, haha. What I want to say: I won’t put this pressure with weekly weight days on myself anymore. It doesn’t matter. As long as I feel good, see the progress in the mirror and on my clothes, everything is fine. And I don’t want these stupid meat-free or bread-free weeks anymore. I am not eating tons of meat everyday -it’s small portions maybe twice a week, that’s alright. Life is too short to live from one restriction to the next.

I won’t forget my good resolutions, don’t you worry.

I just try to see things in a more relaxed way and rediscover the joys of life. For me it is not a joy to run on a treadmill like a hamster. I like to run or just walk in the parks instead, observe people, take photos or scratch sketches of them. I like to ride my bicycle and I am fucking missing it because it’s back home in Münster. I hate the musty smell in the changing area in the gym. I hate light products. I love french cheese. I prefer a tiny slice of Camembert, Comté or Tomme to a thick spread of light cheese -it’s not quantity, it’s quality that counts.

Always.

Amen. 😀

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